Post #1: “Why Don’t You Ask Another White Person About This, Instead of Burdening Me?”
Who am I? Kesa Kivel — an old white woman working for racial justice! The purpose of this blog series is to help other white people, and myself as well, to learn about different racial issues and to follow through on our new awareness by becoming antiracism activists. Together, let’s ignite the courage to do good that I believe we all have within us, and do so without burdening Black people in the process.
A photo of me, Kesa Kivel, at a “Stand Against Racism” rally that I co-organized at the YWCA in 2013
I’ve been doing racial justice work for 20 years through prison reform advocacy, gender and race workshops, a film, and more. Still, I can never know enough, as it’s difficult to keep up with my own biases and prejudices, and with the old and new ways in which systemic racism does its damage and devastates the lives of BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color). However, I’m not going to wait until my hair gets grayer and my wrinkles deepen to stand up for racial justice in stronger ways.
The Origin Story for the Blog
The idea for me to create the “Ask an Old White Woman About Racial Justice” blog series came from my colleague and friend Farzana Nayani, an expert Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) & Communications consultant. She asked me to step up even more as a white ally. I thought to myself: Aren’t I doing enough now through the racial justice board game that I created? She conceived of these blogs as a specific way for me to take my efforts further. I asked myself: What do I know? I’m not an expert!
But I realize that right now, more white people are wanting to learn more about racism, and I can relate to the hard work that such investigation entails. I remember how shocked I was when I first began my work at just how much I didn’t know, and how uncomfortable I felt with what I was learning. Quite frankly, I very often still feel that way.
But I also know something about the power and joy of working together with others, learning from and supporting one another, taking risks together, and celebrating small victories on the road to racial justice. This first post, after a few days of reflection, is my initial response to Farzana’s suggestion for me to step up.
What I’m Offering
What I am offering with the blog series is a place of (no-cost) support — limited, of course, by my own limitations — where I will respond to white folks’ questions about what to say, to read, and to do regarding racism. I will answer questions to the best of my ability, refer readers to appropriate resources, and ask for support when needed from a virtual focus group that I’m assembling for this blog series — as well as from you, the readers, in the form of your comments and suggestions (see below for how to submit these). I will most likely make tons of mistakes along the way, but I am not going to wait until I’m an expert, which I can never truly be without having the lived experience of someone who is Black, or having completely kept up with my own biases and prejudices — which I know I do have, living in a white supremacist culture.
Don’t Burden Black People!
Black people are oppressed all the time. Now, in response to the death of George Floyd and the new attention to systemic racism by many white people, many Black people feel understandably burdened when white folks suddenly ask to be taught about racism — to have books, websites, and Instagrammers recommended to them, and to be instructed in how they should act in specific racist situations they’ve just started noticing (but that have been around forever). Black people may very well be thinking: Where were you earlier — that is, the year before, and the decade before that — with regard to caring about me and other Black people? Why don’t you already know more about racism and white supremacy? Why don’t you ask another white person about this instead of burdening me?
Matthew Kincaid, Black founder of the Overcoming Racism DEI consulting firm, has made a poignant video called “Reflections for White Allies,” focusing on the current burden to Black people. His video can be seen in this article https://mashable.com/article/anti-racist-training/. I found the article “Please Don’t Ask Your Black Friends to Teach You About Racism,” at the Everymom website, to be informative.
You, the white friend/relative/colleague/neighbor of a Black person, might think, “Well, I asked them if it was OK for me to ask them to provide me with resources or to discuss racism, and they said yes, so I don’t think it bothered them.” They may have agreed to help you, but that doesn’t mean they don’t still feel burdened. Let’s explore the word “burdened” for a moment, and the feelings behind it in the situation here:
New Burdens on Top of Old Burdens
The Black person you asked for help, while isolated from friends and family during the pandemic, might be feeling anxious, distraught, or angry about the disproportionate number of Black people harmed by the coronavirus AND be grieving the murder of George Floyd AND be overwhelmed by all of the videos and reports of other Black people killed by the police. Added to these burdens, the Black person might feel insulted that you didn’t know more already, your personal questions to them might feel invasive, and your potential defensiveness to any justified anger on their part might be infuriating. Bottom line: Even though your intention was innocent, the impact is harmful.
It is absolutely essential to keep in mind that Black people are not obligated to teach white people about racism. By not doing the work yourself and instead asking a Black person to take on that task, you are only adding to the burdens they must already carry in our society.
Discrimination Even Within Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Work
There are, of course, more formal settings in which Black DEI (diversity, equity, and inclusion) consultants work to help members of groups, businesses, and organizations to understand and work to eradicate racism through trainings. This blog is not intended in any way as a substitute for these. It should be noted that there are burdens for Black people within that sphere, as well:
1) While it’s great to see increased interest in DEI work, many industries have still not engaged. Too few DEI consultants (of any race or ethnicity) have been asked to teach, even though the value of these efforts has been proved through several studies. The benefits include job satisfaction, employee retention, and profitability. Racial discrimination is so pervasive that even within a profession that promotes DEI, there is frequently discrimination against Black consultants, who have very seldom been hired. This deprives the audience of those who are likely to be the most qualified. I suggest taking a look at the article “Anti-Racist Training Is Suddenly in Demand: Here’s How to Make Sure It Leads to Real Change,” which includes a spreadsheet of Black-owned DEI services.
2) I have heard from DEI consultants who are Black and people of color that when they are sought out, they are often asked to speak at meetings and conferences without being paid for their time, or, if they are paid, it’s at a lower rate than that of white consultants. Another issue: Farzana is Filipinx-Pakistani, and she has said that as an Asian, she realizes the privileges she has in being hired for DEI work, with clients sometimes choosing her instead of a Black consultant because they perceive her as less threatening to their audience. Farzana says that because she recognizes the existence of this bias, she refuses such requests if she feels a Black colleague would be more appropriate.
3) Black DEI consultants (as well as those of other races) are sometimes expected to stamp out racism within an organization through short-term trainings, without the client’s having made a sustained commitment (such as a multi-year strategy) and allotted the proper funds, time, and resources toward that goal. A client’s “I am doing something about racism” box is checked, but no real change is properly prepared for, expected, or, it would seem, desired. Sometimes a company’s only motivation for DEI training is to minimize the likelihood of bias lawsuits.
4) In their trainings, Black (and other) DEI consultants can feel frustrated and discouraged when white members of the audience drop out partway through because their tenuous interest in racial justice is outweighed by their discomfort at being presented with information that challenges deep-seated beliefs. Discomfort in the form of shame, guilt, depression, and denial are natural — and understandable — reactions to new information, but the costs to Black people due to white people’s ignorance are immense, and those costs are avoidable.
Put Your Emotions Into Motion!
Whenever you feel discomfort, think of the enormous consequences to Black people if we who are white do not persist in working for racial justice. At those moments, take a deep breath, then do something to educate yourself further–for instance, by reading books by Black authors describing what it’s like to be Black in America (some suggestions: How to Be An Antiracist, by Ibram X. Kendi; Me and White Supremacy, by Layla Saad; So You Want to Talk About Race, by Ijeoma Oluo). You can also join with other white antiracist activists to work for racial justice (one such group is Showing Up for Racial Justice).
Then forge ahead.
Putting your emotions — including your discomfort — into motion will eventually take you to a place that will be expansive and enriching, bringing purpose and meaning into your own life while helping to create a more loving and equitable world. Let us white people — you, me, all of us with the hope of living in such a world — stretch beyond our comfort zones to help create it. I’m excited and scared, and I’m doing it.
Join me.
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I welcome comments and suggestions from you, the reader. These can be made either here (below this blog post) at my Medium site if you’re a member. Follow me on Instagram and Facebook to find out about new blogs in the “Ask an Old White Woman About Racial Justice” series as they are posted. Together, we can all step up and make a difference.
Kesa Kivel is a Los Angeles — based educator, game-maker, and activist living on the unceded ancestral land of the Tongva people. She developed the free, downloadable “Road to Racial Justice” board game in 2016 with the help of a focus group comprised of individuals of various races and ethnicities; the game is available at www.kesakivelstudios.org. Kesa has created curricula and workshops on gender and race issues since 2000.
